Journal // Neko Logs (Part 1)
Last edited on: by Nekoto
((Got a few logs to backdate to here so... if you enjoy rambling of a Terror Squadron pilot... enjoy.  It starts on the day after her TIE accident where she was on a escort mission with Terror, attacked, and crash landed in the Dune Sea.  She then wandered west for hours until she was found badly hurt, dehydrated, and not all there.  I will be cutting the updates up so it wont all be posted at the same time.  Enjoy.))
(( for Zabraki translations.))

So the doc said I should rite. Maybe use tis for afairaction report? Nolo likes those. If anything I should do that until Yune comes with a mandovil from home. I guess this is to make it so I ingore the soreness. Bacta tretment frelling suxs. Alls gud I guess but I still really don't now what happened. Kamis says I had a concussion but im here so good. But need to writ what I member before drugs kick in gain.

I crashed... don't know how as I was flying kicking ass and taking names. I yelled something on comms? Kant remember what happened. Whill write another log if I remember. Just remember waking up on speeder. Kamose and Bald pilot and other Stormtroopers were there. I got water. Kamose was funny speaking like a baby! Waaaaattteeerrrrrr!!!! Took me to Vanta Medical where I am now. Place all looks fraked up. Smokey and fire. Pepole everywhere. Hours go Yune yelled stuff. She scared? Frak, cant loose people after Soont. My mistake? Cant memberrrrrr. Need to see flight logz asap wen I can.

Med droid cut off fllightsut so I need to get sparz and replace. Gud news ins Kentt broguht clothes. He looked pissed. Told me not my fault... think hez pissed at others? That he cudnt find me fast? Was told I was alrealy clos to Bestine when searc party found me. Got me exirsice for the year!

Eyes hard to open... night log, putting you ontop clothes before I drop ya.
Posted May 3, 20

Morning DP! Thats your name from now on as you arr a datapad. Guess it will make it easier to rite like that. Well... from the cloke I slept most of the day. Those drugs right?? Stil feel woozy but good to lay on bed n type. Though hands got the shakes. Kentt left food for me so I am having that now. Better then medical scenter food.

The bacta got alot of the surface stuff from wat I see... but I still feel sore all over. Once I am done eating, the droid will be doing a checkup to log rezults of my daily progress. I need like a game or something.

Posted May 4, 20

Well... end of day. Tired. Did brain exersizes. Doc Droid avises not to get out of bed still. I am sure it will be like that for a few dayz. Anyawys, back to the brain stuff. I can see my colors fine where I look at coloured dots for numbers and stuff in them. Then I failed my perspective test that they show a bored with 3 items and I have to choose the one that looks the closest. Its hard to see the differenct. It is hard to focus on close things too where they hold a lite and tell me to follow it.

Was told multiple times not to mess with my horn. I craked one it seemes in the crash. About a inch is broke off and the egde is jagged. Might get it smoothed out but think if I keep it, can be good defense if I headbut someone. IDK but I can't touch it, doctor orders.

I think when I get out of bed I might take up some dance classes. Told it can help on joints and my ballance if I try it slow. Like martial artist stuff. My hands still have the shakes so music will be difficult. Suxs waiting. Need to get home n out of Vanta.

Still cant remember lot about the other day. I remember being under something. Like a bridge? Would they have that in the desert? I was cooling off and drinking water. I dont know why I did not have my helmet. It was gone. A shirt was its replacement. Mine, and it was around my mouth and head. I am sure more will come but cant remmeber alot.

Time for sleep, night BD.
Posted May 4, 20

Hi DP. Doc Droid checked my datapad as it noded I have ben spelling wrong with mistakes n stuf. Frak. Recomunaded me to take sum classes and continue righting in hear. That's enbareassing.

Moer tests today. Skin is better but as I waz out in teh dessert, I did not get immmediate medical attention. So some injuries already clotted and scard. War wounds I gues. And not lik there is a full body bacta tank here in a Tattoine town.

I can move and m sore less. So I was able to do physical tests. My reaction and able to feel my knee get hit all are god. Then asked to stand. Hard to stay staynding, feel unstedy and is tireing... so will be getting 2 walk a bit each day until I get off from here... though leaving should be soon as I am told. Maybe transfered to another place close to home? IDK.

Got my music player, kurtisy from Kentt. So I can listen to some of my favorite bands. Anyways, not lot for today. Good n bad news I guess.

Cant remember else from the crash...
Night DP
Posted May 5, 20

On way home to Corellia now. Not like a TIE pilot will get her own Imperial funded shuttle ride hom anyways haha. But this pilot does know pepole... A board Kentt's ship, Dieting Sarlacc. Need to treat him to diner or something for giving a ride. Glad he is here. End destingation I should be eithr in Crushars Jungsion or Bella Vistol.

Lets see... stuff before the trip. Full day of bacta patches got legz better. Could stand and walk, althogh no running. Less sore, but do feel like I just finished working out ore something.

Im doing will now listenang to my music. I guess I still feel like I am doubl checking myself in things. I feel like am out of my elamet... feels weird. But this is a simple flight. Got to report back and then worry about getting better.

I guess a way to remember is to talk n stuff. Take writing classes. Maybe excirsie slowly and work myself up.

Lotsa think about. Guess I'll give this pad here to Nolo and he can use for report? Apologeez agan for the spelling.

Time to sleep and listen to music.
Posted May 6, 20

Yay, got my proper datapad. Thosght I would never cee it... although not sure where all my old logz are. Yesterday was amazing. The Bella Vistal med peopl were nice to drive me over to visit Vistal Base and let me see off Terror with a smile. It's nice to see we have moar pilots now. So although I was not fit to fly, they had the manpower to get things through. They were happy to see me. Yune gave me flowers too... was going to hug her but I was in uniform and both unsure and embarrased to let the Stormtoopers see us that carefree. I need to put it in a vase. Maybe I'll give her a hug next time I see her.

I then had to go to a apointement... wanted to see if I could do a few movements and hold my posistion for a timed ammount. It felt like forever. But afterwards I went to Crusher's Junction to hang out and read books at the Brass Rail as Terror said they wuld be going there after. All looked like it went well. Only Kamose was... sad. Turned out he lost the bet with Yune. And... they gave me the vibrorazer. Why wuld they give me that??? Hahaha, it waz fun though. He is bald... and sum reason wanted to keep his sideburns.

Then... Zale came up with a bet with me! So I am to try and get fly ready by next mision so we can do it. Nice and simple... for who gets most kills. And if our kill logz are retracteded? Who is least damaged. The winner thinks up a nickname for the other that will be for 2 weeks. Can be degrading, funny, or I am thinkig a pet name. Zally? Za Za? I don't know yet.

Afterwards, we all went home and I got 2 sleep the night in the Navy barraxks. Lots of empty beds, so I had the whole female berthing to myzelf. It is nice to relax and just think of getting through therapy.

Night Imperial BD,
Posted May 8, 20

Red lights. I… I remembered something bad. I think there has been only a select few who have witnessed a ful instrument display of failing and disabled systems in an Imperial TIE fighter and have lived to say that they all work as intended. It is now hard to forget. Only now in the end of the day I write this entry. I dont know what else to say so I am just going to attatch a video file I was allowed to keep.

The video begins on a camera feed inside a simulator of a standard TIE fighter. The top hatch opens and a fully clothed female Imperial pilot slowly climbs down into the cockpit's seat. Before sitting into the seat, she checks the seat's ejection hardware to make sure the seat is safe and then straps herself in.

Simulator Technician: "...yes sir… alright! Pilot 408, can you read me?"

The helmeted pilot nods, "Yes sir, 408 reads you loud and clear."

ST: "Copy… alright this is flight control, begin your preflight."

Nekoto: "408 copies, beginning preflight checklist."

Nekoto fumbles to the left depths of her seat and produces the fighter's preflight checklist. She goes through and starts off with checking all the circuit breakers that they are set in the safe or normal posistions. Then, turning the powder on, she begins the onboard diagnostics while checking all systems were green.

Nekoto: "Control, 408 reporting all green, clear for engine start."

ST: "408, Control, start engine and stand by".

Nekoto: "408 copies... beginning engine start."

Nekoto reaches to the right side of the cockpit, flipping a switch and reaches for the power lever as she raises it while watching the readouts. Suddenly the output RPM spikes, causing Nekoto to go into a practiced emergency procedure as she shuts off the engine to prevent output speed damage. She monologs her actions as she performs them.

Nekoto: "Spiking detected. Shutting engine off and standing by for reattempt in two minutes. RPM did not go over 120%."

ST: "Copy 408. Good job catching it. Ok, your two minutes are done, go ahead and start up fully. You are clear to launch when you are."

Nekoto copies and starts up the engine. It all starts up smoothly this time, unhindered by any simulated failures. Once ready and all systems functioning normally, she brings the simulated TIE into a light hover and radios her progress to the tech.

ST: "Copy 408, proceed 1k meters off station one using approach alpha. RV with patrol squad Razor."

Nekoto copies, relaying the orders back and flying with no prolbems up the RV with the patrol. "Patrol Razor, 408, attatching to formation."

ST playing now as the patrol flightleader: "408, Razor 1. Copy. Form up on port wing for V formation. Designation is Razor 8."

Nekoto copies, forming up with the V formation and the patrol goes through a number of waypoint markers. Suddenly a unknown target appears on Nekoto's readout.

Nekoto: "Bandit ahead 2k out and closing. Three X-wing. S-Foils open!"

FL: "Copy, three bandits. Squad, weapons hot, engage at will!"

Nekoto accelerates her virtual TIE and flys upwards and angles downward to attack from above. The rest of the squad made up of 5 other TIEs split and comes to attack the bandits from different positions. Everyone attacks the X-wings simultaneously, leaving them only enough time to do one attack run which damages one nameless TIE. All the bandits are destroyed. The encounter is over just as fast as it occurred.

FL: "Razor 8, Razor 1, escort Razor 3 back to ground base."

Nekoto: "8 copies, escorting 3. 2k out from atmo re-entry."

Nekoto and Razor 3 fly to the re-entry point and gravity starts to affect the entry. Nekoto in the camera feed visibly tenses up as she grips the controls. Her TIE starts leaving Razor 3 behind as the AI slows down to a safe re-entry speed. Red lights start to pop up on Nekoto's flight readouts as she seems frozen in place as systems overload or shut down attempting to adjust to the unsafe gain of speed. The simulator tech comes onto the radio, breaking his roleplay as the flight leader or control as he notices something odd in her actions.

ST: "Hey 408! Slow down your entry! Hello?! Can you hear me?!"

Nekoto stays frozen in place as she seems to replay the actions that she now remembers on that fateful day. The tech does a emergency simulator shutdown and quickly opens up the hatch to yell down at the TIE pilot asking what is going on. She stays frozen in place and the tech jumps down into the cockpit as he puts both feet on the armrests of the pilot seat, facing Nekoto and blocking the camera with his back as he crouches down to face directly into Nekoto's helmet and taps the side of her helmet trying to pull her out of her episode. Nekoto shakes as she realizes where she was, the tech directly in her face and he pulls her helmet off. The tech climbs up out of the way of the camera after unhooking her helmet breather tubes taking her helmet with him, telling her to follow. She watches him climb upward, her face covered in sweat and she slows her breathing before taking her hands off the flight controls as she still had her death grip on and flexes her hands, confused what had just went on. Nekoto climbs up and after the tech to debrief. The camera feed continues for a minute before shutting off.

Posted May 10, 20

What the frak. I am a good pilot. I make LT Cervyn run for his money. Why can't I ever git it together? Why am I constantly tensing up on re-entry every. single. freaking. time. I know what to do. I know about the whole standard operating procedure by heart. I am always in the pubs so I'd even know if there were any changes. But I can't get it together. The shrinks cant help me. They don't even fly. They sit there in their posh clean office and listen to us crazies with our problems. Then they'd tell us shit we already know. I hate it. I hate myself for being helpless to this. I hate being analysed. I hate not flying. I hate getting out of a frakibg sim of all places sweating and confused. I know what happened at that point in the crash. It's replayed in my head thousands of times since remembering it after that first sim incident. Red lights. All syatems failing or busted. Worst case scenario. I was helpleas to it. Just like I feel now. I need to get it together and get back up in my TIE to support the rest of Terror. I need to stop actung like a weak fraking little poodo and get it together already. I need to talk to another pilot. Anyone.

Posted May 14, 20

Wow... looking back at my previous entry... I was not happy with myself. I bottled up my frustration and just smiled through it all. I know it was bad, but it is hard for me to show weakness... I guess? They were happy seeing me standing for that one mission to see them off a few days after my accident. I was like, "look, I can still be here, nothing knocks me down". I even got flowers. But I can't look broken after that. Can't show that in front of all the new pilots... I mean YES they see that in the studies. Kind of is a when will it happen sort of deal when flying for the Empire doing the impossible and succeeding. Friends like Yune, I know they care deeply about us all. But I can't plant that bad seed in the back of their heads when they go up to fly without me. They will want to visit as fast as they could... and that can cause mistakes.

Did not post any entries till now as I tossed this datapad as far into the depths of my locker as I could and just got it out now. It took a bit... but I was able to get my fear of landing for the most part out of the way. I still clench up... but if I talk things through with myself, I can slow the fraking fighter down to a safe speed and land. I was able to do some runs and not freak out the sim techs.

With that, I was able to join with Terror's mission a few days ago. We were looking for something... not sure as I was unable to fly the last two missions. All was maybe connected to whatever happened with me and maybe that transport. I don't know. But for some reason I was put on the boarding team of this Y8 we had to find by our CO. I did some shots... but I can't say I was the best. Maybe he wanted me to go easy on my first mission back? Not fly that heavily? I just was on guard duty at the hatch as the rest of the team searched the ship... killed one guy... who had a flamethrower of all guns. But yea... me who might not be a great shot currently + small scout pistol = not very reliable. But I think if something happened, I might still react as I should. I had a fear of crashing, not of shooting so that is not too bad... but I think Yune had a good thing for asking why they were not utilizing pilots with ground combat experience. Anyways... all went well and we got the following day and weekend off.

Two days later I went to Crusher's Junction to have the best. time. of. my. life. I had made an appointment awhile back at the V-Lux salon there to have a facial skin treatment done and it was amazing! So... the Twi-lek who runs it was there and she moistened my skin. And then applied a mask of this cream. She said my skin was pretty stressed for my age. Easy to happen of course... I don't wear makeup or have time to properly care for myself when living at the barracks. But yes... I was able to go off with some creams and stuff to help apply it myself mornings and going to bed. We'll see how it all holds up to being under a climate controlled helmet. If anything, I might have to reapply it after missions? I don't know. There is supposed to be a sauna at the V-Lux soon too. I'll be happy when that comes.

Um... wow I typed a lot. One more event. The Flailing Nuna Entertainment place in Mos Vanta. It opened up today and they held a live performance by one of my newest favorite band called the Midnight Pirates. After that, they did a ribbon cutting and held live fight matches there. But before all that, Zale, Yune, and I went and explored. Has a lot of workout and training areas... a locker with a creepy wookie picture... and even...A Sauna! On Tatooine! I know when I go there next I am stopping by to use it. I don't know why I get happy for them... maybe as I never have the time to get into a full container of warm water? It'll be amazing.

After all that and seeing... 4 matches? There was a swoop race. Or as the older human called, Ridge racing. I guess he was also a old friend of or maybe an old aquatence of Kentt. He was there the whole event and I guess they both knew each other. Kentt raced... and so did Zale. And after going against the... 3 or 4 other swoop racers... Zale won! Terror for the win! I swear... he got his pant stripes, and he won a swoop race! He and I have a bet that next mission whomever gets the lowest kill number or is damaged the most will be at the mercy of gaining whatever nickname the winner decides. He told me I guess he has plenty, but hard to choose btween. Not sure if that is a good thing or bad... and I have a bad feling oabout my chances of winning. He moves up very fast that the local aces have someone to look out for! I seem to be just average, although I still give other pilots a run for their credits.

Well... that is my entry. A big huge entry. OH! And I might be getting into interceptors and out of the standard TIE. Yea... I guess that might be a thing. Anyways, goodnight Imperial Datapad. Sorry for tossing you.

Posted May 25, 20

Hey there log. I don't have too much to report and talk about. Only things is my progress with flying again and my recovery. Both are improving. I can fly better and land and all. And to help with all that I had taken up with flying a TIE Interceptor. It is really different. I dont like how limiting it is. Feels like it is holding back… does not handle that well with how all the settings are set up. It felt weird last mission.

My music is ok… I guess it still sounds great and all but I still hear some mistakes here and there. And I need to massauge my hands afterwards. Someday I might work up the courage to dance in front of others… but now everytime I think to dance I imagine a 6 foot Stormtrooper who likes to poledance.

Which… I guess now I have stuff to type about. In the opening of the Flailing Nuna, I met a trooper. I forget of which garrison, but I see him and his superior more often at Mos Vanta. His name is Sicle… has some pet droids too. I guess he was also with the team that saved me after I crashed. I just did not remember alot of it.

Since the very short time I have known him, he has hit his head a few times along with him meeting with Yune and Zale's boss… a Colonel Olov. Mean guy… not fond of nonhuman officers like myself apparently. But Olov learned of his hobby… was not too pleased. Said stuff that angered Sicle, and Sicle almost tried to fight him. Luckily his superior stepped in and cooled this down. I really don't have much to say on that... he was told to go outside and I followed to watch over him.

Anyways... my brain is dying and I need to go to bed before I drool on the datascreen. Good night.

Posted Jun 2, 20

What a crazy end of the week. To sum it up, I lost the bet of all things to have happened and then things got a bit better as I got to play for some off duty Troopers in Mos Vanta. Got to sing two songs I learned when I was learning to play from Pappeto… he was... a teacher of mine. Amazing man.

So the bet! If I hadn't typed about it before, it was between Zale and I. Zale is a genius when it comes to learning I think as his main job is as a Scout Trooper for Detachment Omega. Doing the dual job program like Yune has been doing... to increase flexibility of mobile troops or some sort of thing like that as what I read about that. But HIM! He was flying much less then I. So our bet was most kills. And, if the mission retracted our numbers for security reasons it was who got the less damage. Winner names the looser any nickname of their choosing as long as it is not terribly negative. Name would last for two weeks. Anyways... he got eight and I got two assists. HOW? I don't understand how my aim felt off the whole mission. And didn't help I lost my capacitor midway through the mission. Ended up playing target to the enemy to help the ones that could shoot. Cervyn was in the same boat with the lack of gun juice. Zale has been delaying his choice of nickname... he is up to something.

For some better news. Mos Vanta when we got in was full of off duty Storm Troopers in the cantina. They all danced on stage and Laz and I enjoyed watching them in their half drunken state. Then she played music for their dancing and when they cleared the stage, Laz sang two songs. They were both really good. After that I got up to play... and then because they were fellow Imperials, I got to sing my march song called "I Will Go"... seemed to be the perfect moment. Then I got to sing a fun song that is very... well it makes you think of something naughty and then slaps you in the face so hard you laugh.

Today I saw more of those troopers. This time over at the Flailing Nuna. One was drunk and would occasionally sing stuff. Zale was there too. All was uh... good.

Well... I have had a lot on my mind... might call it a night now and think stuff over while I listen to some music.

Posted Jun 6, 20

So… I realized I have dropped in my kills and abilities with my TIE Interceptor. Turns out Terror Squadron has a ton of personnel TAD to it to assist with numbers. That includes our new XO too apperantly. So I was moved to help bolster the squadron he is with, Scimitar Squadron stationed over on Lok right under a frickn volcano! I mean, I still am attatched to Terror as a TAD pilot. So I guess I am a supporter now too haha...

Alpha base is completely different from Vistal. All sand... though it is harder then Mos Vanta's. It is more spread out too... a off duty Scout decided to give me a short tour as I was still checking in. There is a cantina that I guess a lot use for just drinking... although I don't see any officers or pilots there. So I feel kind of out of place as I am used to being with Terror.... Other things there are normal stuff. They have individual barracks for those with families. There are 3 barracks... one for the Army, Stormcorp, and a smaller one in the back for us Navy. Ours lacks a lot of what the other 2 have so if we need to eat was told to just go to utilize one of those I think. Anyways... its a good place I guess. But I miss trees.

I... uh was in indoc. But was put all in with all the newer enlisted. It is weird being recognized as an officer and being saluted. I was the only Navy and had to take part in drills... like learning to stand at attention... or orders to go into "at ease". I am honestly happier I went Navy as this we never did at the academy. Even if it was on the Stalker... I can't imagine pilots doing any of that stuff in the big fancy academies in the core.

I think my barracks here is also smaller then the one in Vistal... I should be going back there later today for preparation for a mission... so I'll get to sleep in my bed there. At the same time... missing Vanta and everyone there. Heard there was a Trooper thing that happened there... but I was in the middle of checking in here and heard last minute... but every time I ask all I get is that it is classified! I know though I should not poke my head in, but it is hard when half of you feels you live there. I mean, Laz, all the Peacekeepers, Kentt… all are still over there and I have no idea. I mean... I could always comm them but service here on base is terrible! And not like I want to get in trouble here. These guys are nothing like who Terror is. I've only seen 2 other pilots so far... anyways... got to get out and do things. Later.

Posted Jun 10, 20

What busy couple of days... so I am still training over on Lok... and still assisting with Terror when assigned missions. Kinda busy. Luckily a few days ago after our mission (to which we all were victorious) I was able to go and visit Mos Vanta. The amazing this is after missions when things go our way, we get the weekend off. It is perfect to get our rest and then return to flying in Lok airspace the next work days. But Yea. Vanta. Got to see some fights. And Zale won his swoop race by default. More luck thrown his way.

Asked him again about our bet. He still has YET to think of a name. I told him too. He is a frelling genious. He is waiting for the worst time to drop the bomb on me. I bet it will be when stuff is super serous. Then he'd go and call me something embarrassing and get the name to stick. The nickname thing was good. But for him to go over... 2 weeks? Without thinking of anything? It puts me on edge. I mean... forget all the other stuff I have to do. Like learn how to lead and be a good officer and learn all my stuff. I now have to look over my shoulder for him and whatever pet name he plans on calling me.

Oh! So whole Empire I guess got some uniform allowance. Maybe something big will be happening in the future who knows? But I have my new uniform cleaned and pressed with a new rank plaque and cleaned code cylinders ready to go. The cover still looks funny on me as I have to fit my horns under. Gives it an odd shape and I have to stretch it to not look like it is hovering over my head.

Anyways... enough rambling. Bed time. Night datapad.

Posted Jun 17, 20

Kimo. So that's what Zale nicknamed me. For... maybe a little more that 2 weeks and he names me that. Said it was from the dragons that herd around the outskirts of Outpost Alpha on Lok. I am kind of torn with it. He gave the impression of something. Something like he could have dumped the name on me at the most entertaining of times. He could have given me any sort of name. But instead, it happened in Heartsongs. Yune, He, and I were sitting near the stage with another guy, an off duty Stormtrooper. From my new base. We were all listening to this rodian play music and sing. Then... he turns to me. And all he does is ask if I was ok with him naming me Kimo from our bet. A bet that I lost and he asks me if I was ok with the name. That was amazing. It could have gone a completly different direction but I honestly think he is too sweet and nice for that. Anyways... I like it. Though it does not really feel like I lost the bet. Maybe the only thing I had to endure from that was the wait.

So I was given my new uniform... or at least I can say I bought it. They gave us uniform allowance so there is that. The pants are... new. The rank plaque is shiny. Did I talk about this before? I really forget without stopping from typing and rereading my own diary. But I like to let my thoughts flow it. It shouldn't have to make sence. It is for me, myself, and I to read. Maybe when I am old and grey. Then feel happy I made it that far. Yune, Zale, and I once talked about that. How during each mission there is always that chance. But like a trooper said to me today. We can't die. We are lucky. And from a holo I watched... we are just too damn pretty to be allowed to die. Yune imagined herself as a old polititian if I remember right... though we joked she would become currupt. I don't think i would want to live at a retirement home. Maybe if I retire I can get into music. Not as a hobby but as a career. IDK.

I can't really think of anything else. I know myself in Alpha with Kamose... it has to mean something. I know I am a Navy officer. I still am unused to being saluted by new solders. Some are even older than me. And they expect me to know more than them. I know I had to try to stand out being a role model. Would that be bad? I don't want to outshine or point out mistakes of leadership. If there was ever any. I don't know alot of the officers there. If they take offense to someone with horns and a face tat with red eyes were to do anything. I heard too that in some cultures those are recognized as demons. Or evil entities. I might just be nuking things again though. This is the only place I can really allow myself to do that. To wander off the narrow path I am expeted to follow.

ANyways... it is a good stop as any. Time to listen to music and fall asleep.

Posted Jun 25, 20

Ooff... well this weekend was interesting. I'd have typed in you sooner but... I was tired. So... backtracking to Friday! That was... interesting but I guess it ended on a good note. Started off with me super late to the Friday fight night stuff at the Nuna. I guess Zale won 2 fights then which is crasxy. But I'm proud of him. Still, he gotta watch himself around Yune and his boss which I guess he's nicknamed Jackass. But... I guess I was so late I missed him. Misato was there though along with another new guy. Jeran or something? Bald human dude which I bet I could have used his head as a mirror if I looked hard enough. Anywasy... Misato was... she lost 2 fights. And was drunk. Helped her down to Stich which took care of her and dispite my offers to help and attempts at being an officer, she continued on with talk of waking early to train her new recruits. I don't think I am taken seriously as an officer... though she does have like... 20 or so years experiance.

Anyways... I decided to check out the sauna and hot tub. Though I used the hot tub more. Elani joined too as she was there when I decided. Said I could use someone to talk to. Or was it the other way around? Without her, id have been confused. At least there were towels in the lockers. Anyways... we talked and stuff. Would it be girl talk? I don't really do that much. No one I can really connect to as I rarely see Yune or Aurelly and both are... fairly quiet. I guess I kind of mirror them or whoever I am around so I kind of revert to being quiet too. That was a good day I guess.

Lets see... next day Terror had the weekend off. And although that included me I did not feel I had deserved it being I was not at the last mission due to other work. But... troopers from Outpost Alpha that I had transferred to were joining at Heartsongs... so I went there. They were drinking and... I joined I guess. It might have all blured together as I only remember there was a ton of people going to the stage to do stuff and that I had 3 or 4 Corellian Ales and a shot of something from Misato. She looked to have been better from the night before but I am not sure that was even brought up. I do remember her berating Zale, whom joined in midway, and I about being safe and all killing from a distance in our TIEs. She was drunk? But I remember just loosing confidence then or something. Anywasy... night ended and Misato was nice enough to help me to a motel or somewhere.

I woke up I had a hangover and had breakfast and juice at the Nuna. I guess stuff was happening other places... but I had a headache that would have floored me if I hit anything. I got to see Sicle (Who is doing amazing with his super robo arm) and then Zale. I had talked to both of them... which Sicle left as Zale wanted to discus things with me... I wont say that here. But it all helped with my hangover. We wondered Vanta and then Zale got an idea that threw me off I remember. I've invited him a few times to check the sauna out and now he wanted to see it. On our way there... I guess one thing moved to another thing... and it was wierd. Jeran Bald head, Elani, and some new female human ended up joining us. Not like we could have said no... its a public area.

Where do I start... well I figured the locker room had not enough lockers... and I also had just realized it was co-ed. I guess people don't care here... but for somewhere out on Tatooine, is that not asking for trouble? Maybe I'm thinking too hard on it and take some of Elani's advice, IDK. Elani and baldy go to the sauna first... I check on Zale and he... takes his time to change I guess to wait on all of us. Co-ed is not his thing either... but he's sweet like that. I wear my towel as I seem to always forget a suit. But at the same time, it looks like no one cares about that here. The new girl... I let her use my half of the locker and made my way to the hot tub. Yea, I could have joined the sauna... but I think the tub is more my thing. New girl joins the sauna and Zale joined in the tub although he goes to the other side. Understandable I guess. I... really want to say that the whole time we relaxed. But I guess it also included nickname thinking (which I guess I am a master of) and near the end Elani almost getting Zale's towel. Then we all left at different times... the new girl going with Elani. To which even though she said she was taking her to the inn... he house is not the inn.

What else... oh! Zale and I met new people. Over at Heartsongs there was a new crowd of people who must have wandered in while we were relaxing in the Zuna. A... creepy guy whose name started with a G... and a twi'lek and another... I think this human dude was also bald. It's like a trend I think. I THINK there was a trandoshan but I'm not sure. ANyways I played music for the Twi and baldy #2 until I got tired. Then we all went to bed.

Dang I should write holobooks or something. Life of Neko right on here! Well... it's late. I guess I rambled off enough that if anyone ever finds this people's life can get bad. So I guess I wrote enough. Goodnight.

Posted Jun 30, 20

Guess I am updating less and less. Don't want to forget about this and all! The start of the week was a command ceremony. For all those who made rank. I liked it. Us officers stood to the side and there was an Internal Affairs Officer along with Lt Zuther. Haven't seen him in awhile. Probably paperwork. He does not look to be the sort of person to enjoy that.

Oh! You know what? I've yet mentioned Friday the week before. At least I think it was that. Lt Lear, our flight leader, and Zale decided to accept Yune's idea of a bet between them racing. If Zale won? Cervyn would sing and I would dance. If Cervyn won? Other way... Zale would sing and Yune would dance. Then the surprising thing happened and Zale lost his win streak. Then he... angrily yelled at Cervyn and left to I guess pout. I hate to call it that but when you strip alot of the fluff away I see that. I know... its fraked up. Anyways, found him later and got Zale to cool down with a game of knife tossing.

Last... Thursday? Ceryn tried talking to Zale. Maybe about the singing. Zale didn't want to talk to him or something and it quickly turned into a yelling match. Yelling mostly on Zale's end. I know he loves flying... as he told me he originally wanted to join as a pilot. But that never happened, at least til he hooked up with Terror. The thing we really need him to do is learn to put aside working off feelings on missions. He acts on his feelings alot. And I think that is awesome... but in order to work with those you don't like, you need to turn that partly off. And yea... I hate how they both go at it. Zale one time asked if he could have a holo of Cervyn at the firing range in the Nuna.

Alot of people would probably just dismiss Zale out. No more flying. Unstable. I mean... Cervyn did that. He care about the other pilots versus the potential bad egg. Maybe I am greedy and want people like Yune to be happy... but that Thursday I convinced him to stay to try to work it out. He had sent a message to our CO... and got a reply to handle it himself as Commander Finn said something along the lines of last resort if he were to step in. So.... we'll see how that turns out. He is a damn good pilot and quick learner and Terror would hurt if he were not there. I mean... he left B Flight to go to A and with just Cervyn and I working with 3 pilots we were unfamiliar with we had to retreat from our mission objective. If he stayed... would have been a world of difference.

Today... was supposed to be the 23rd's Mandatory fun day. Force the troops to do fun stuff and something different from the normal running around. I even joined to represent the Navy. But... in the end it was just Misato and I. Everyone else seemed to have been tasked with other duties. So we had a fighting match as the event was held in the Flailing Nuna. And... although I got first blood, Misato got me good. My left arm, stomach, and my right ear are sore with minor bruising. I was verrryyy close to having won. But I had low hopes I would have actually been able to pull that off. I was surprised how close I managed to get!

Afterwords... more stuff happened. But... not sure I should put it here. I'll say it was a long day and I flew home to Outpost Alpha along with Lt Lear.

Good night,
Posted Jul 19, 20

What the frell is happening... I really don't know where to begin. Zale is being a stubborn gunsos and Cervyn... he's just gone quiet on me. I don't know what's going on.

Yune however got to lead B flight last mission. So good for her having more responsibilities.

Posted Jul 26, 20

Found out why Cervyn never talked to me...

I fraked up.

I'shuree fȃyektot dê kayi...
((My goddamn mouth...))

Azza Zale fahde sino taohilu shuree naal s'lamȃr het yot.
((And Zale walk all over me take advantage of that.))

Ci nok id gunsos azza peledyn hai yer taohlih res silna Ci dene lakip melay.
((I feel like shit and want to beat up the person I let myself become.))

Posted Aug 2, 20

So... maybe this is just a slow point. A bit has been happening for myself and within Terror Squadron. Good news is I am not going to the therapist anymore with checkups. I am fully recovered from my accident. Even though its been months since it's happened. More-so just to watch for any changes in my brain or whatever.

Cervyn is back to being a Lt I think. In charge of flights and that takes a big load of work of poor Yune. Have not seen much of Zale though. But... on a better note, there has also been training days where we go and do various things in the sims. Last one was against various AI flying different starfighters... like A-wings and pirate ships. I had a hand in helping the techs for that. So that was fun. Going over various battle tactics and getting their programing just right.

There is also drama still in Terror. And out of it that is affecting Terror I guess. I'm not sure. But I did make more friends in Vanta I guess. While I was in uniform though. Something about people still only looking at rank and not the person behind it. Its why I hate wearing the uniforms while off duty. Would rather wear something opposite of that like a dress. Makes people happy.

Posted Aug 17, 20

Should I be happy about yesterday? He's been a problem for a few. Many want him dead. How he has stayed in the military for all I've heard him pull is beyond me. From stories of him threatening to kill other Imperials to just being... shady? Shady works.

Started off yesterday with going dress shopping with Misato. Yea... dress shopping. With Misato. Never would have expected either to have ever happened. Why dresses? Well I'll just type here as I am too lazy to look in my past logs if I mentioned it or not. Misato's most favorite Captain invited her to a dinner. To talk stuff over. And I was offhand invited by him too... as I just so happened to be seated at the same table with Misato. He walks over and invites her to dinner to talk over fixing bridges. New man and all. Misato was not convinced but played along. And because being the gentleman he was he decided to include me as well. Decided to go so Misato was not alone... luckily I did. Misato's trooper friend was unable to make it.

So... dress. Got one and slippers. Expensive. Even for O1 pay. Misato was not happy with her price either. But I guess it was supposed to be a fancy dinner. Never did that before. Was to be at the Brass Rail... and cooked by the droid there. Luckily for us. We get there... and he is already present. Small talk happens... and he offers to order fine wine. Still no real talk about fixing bridges as he wanted to talk of. Then... this guy comes in. All in tan armor. Or at least upper half of him is. Just has pants it looked. Masked. Asked if he was talking to Gerico... and after that pulls out his pistol and shoots the Captain in the arm! Said it was a message from others for Gerico not doing his job or something. Misato was about to shoot the guy but he ducked out quickly after that.

It was... odd? Either way, Misato was satisfied with it. Although was skeptical of the timing of the guy walking in, shooting, and walking out. All past a seeker droid and whatever security the place had. Anyways... I had emergency crews called, we got him up and outside, and they picked him up. Then I was the lucky one to write the report. I hate paperwork...

What else... been getting better singing a new song. There is that. Its about a spaceman. Perfect Terror squadron stuff. Anyways... its late. And I need my crew's rest. Night.

Posted Aug 24, 20


I don't know what to feel...

Fideno Ci falu vi?
((Shall I say yes?))

Just like that and most of my problems vanished. No one has done that. Said helping others of his own kind...

Those in Crimson have not done that. Someone in Terror once asked if I would have been happier there. None of them have treated me as Xovos has done tonight. Xovos only met me tonight.

Meaj shar peledyn sharoja?
((Does he want something?))

I don't think so.

Ci meni fanhiflu taohlih foki nȃg yol.
((I am tearing up while type this.))

Should I be happy? Scared? Parents are fine. What will they think? What will they say to me? He said he left them a message. What did it say?

Dou fro'tlesu res latah gasizetr Jeff?
((What will the money collectors think?))

A weight and worry I have had since I left Nar Shaddaa had been brutally murdered right in front of my eyes. Why was it so simple when I struggled so? I only left enough for food and clothes. Shuttle fees. Rest went to the cause. And they were thankful. Mom worked. Dad worked. And me.

Tul Ci dyn konek jinat iair azza aristinade?
((Can I have just stay home and dance?))


I hate their lustful stares. Greedy. Selfish. Disgusting.

Meni rois res Okhilȃt maliredut?
((Was joining the Empire wrong?))

I love Terror. I can't leave. He offers. But I can't leave them. The need to struggle is not there. But I can't leave them... I have helped them grow so much more then before. I still have my term... I can't even leave now if I wanted to.

Res k'liyarat y'sera meni naekitih gin... Ci kolefu bisi nohis shar.
((The credit chip be still there... I dare not touch it.))

Ci meni naut laktu... eit naut gatmoce.
((I am so happy... yet so confused.))

Why did this have to happen the day before a mission?

Posted Aug 27, 20

When I am too happy, I can't seem to think straight. I think if I was given the option between a tent and living away from everyone, and glory and riches... I would choose the first one. I don't know. The thought of actually having the credits to spend is still new for me. Actually having credits left over from payday and not eating at the galley or having rations to just get that one cookie? All in the past.

He had the odd thought to offer me more. Said he started an account for me. Told me to use it to get my parents off Nar Shaddaa. If I had the chance to get them off, I would have already done so. I tried to get them off, but their whole life is on that dumb moon. I refused. Told him to use it to help his mother and for Vanta. That credit chip he gave me I mentioned last log? I won't use it on myself. Frell, I don't know what to use it for if it was for only me. That will just be backup for my family. That's it.

He seemed to have liked that answer. I don't see him smile alot.

Let's see. This last week I saw someone shot, then arrested, and then everyone in the cantina rioted over some color coded wookies who were getting arrested. Yea. Color coded. One was red, then blue, and then... yellow? But... I think I also saved Cervyn as he was at that last one. He almost was roasted by a flamethower someone let off in Heartsongs. I don't remember much else... so much crap.

I can't shoot anyone in Vanta.

And shooting Imperials, even corrupt ones, is a career ender.
Cervyn also found we have a mole. And he told some of us then who it was.

And today a few of us were training on tactics to get him. Dead or alive.


What happened to the promises He, Yune, and I tried to make?

As much as I can say duty calls... I can also say duty is a devil for how it can twist people and make them hideous.
Posted Sep 3, 20

I don't know what happened yesterday. I don't know what I am feeling. Yune is off with Zale or something. She cares about him. I don't know how that will work out with the other...

So he is alive. We hunted the yenelk down and disabled his ship. He fired back. Then we... oddly we all ordered to come aboard. No one watching outside. No clue. then to make things feel worse... nearly everyone is in the same room with him at gun point. I'll watch the doorway thank you till they tell me otherwise. Had to also watch 12 in case she stupidly did anything... I don't know about her. Having someone if given the order to shoot their comrades in the back who is watching your back is not my idea of safe.

Most of the rest of it was a daze... but I think me being unsettled spooked the 13... the Squadron doctor. After the mission, he asked if I was hiding behind a lie. Something about me smiling but eyes showing something else. What's his problem? He gave me anxiety medicine though... I don't know.

Zyaol dyn ti nuin szi coila oaki jifati Ci nok fanlu ta res ahasu.
((Everyone has a friend but for some reason I felt disconnected from the rest.))

Ci peledyn hai fikde kaio etal res fitilra azza hisa h'lafnakit ta yol nok. Yol jayirar meni nalah sini hai naite.
((I want to run out into the desert and get away from this feeling. This smile is too heavy to hold.))

Am I thinking too hard on this? I feel I am staring off into space more. At least the music I have with me is nice.

Also I guess more new pilots... guy took over as Terror 14. I hope he flies better then I did. I think my performance has dropped again.

Posted Sep 4, 20