Journal // Neko Logs (Part 2)
Last edited on: by Nekoto

It's weird how one phrase can spark a whole afternoon with someone you barely talked to. That was 2 days ago. I was... not myself when he came across me in the side lounge of the Nuna. I had just came from a small hunting trip. Dressed up for it. I have a rifle. Trying to aim better and all. Nothing crazy. But... it was the first I did it. It was fun.

He came and took a seat at a table behind me. So I approached him and asked what he meant by a 'hiding behind a mask' comment. I think he was thrown off from me not wearing a dress. Then again... he later was surprised that I preferred them over the flightsuit or dress uniform. But... we talked. Learned a bit about him, and he of myself. Then I forget how, but the mention of driving came up.

Now, I live in the barracks back on Lok. Or at Kentt's over at his compound. Home for me is where I sleep. Most of my... income used to go to help my family. I never owned a land speeder or a bike. Never needed it at home. I mean... I sometimes rent one when I have to go somewhere. That's it. So he pulls me outside and hands me the controls for his skiff. Big huge thing. And we both get in and he says just drive. So I do.

We visit some destroyed sand crawlers, and I then recalled Kentt showing me something nearly them for years ago. I go east and it is there in the middle of a flat endless land. A maze made from stone. One entrance, and one exit. We go through and go out the other end and stay and talk some more while enjoying the lack of anything that surrounds the place.

Off in the distance, there is a crashed escape pod. Ruins. And he points out a skeleton out in the distance. Not wanting to run as he was saving for a fight, and I... well just am not the best at running... we take the skiff. Closer we go and no. It is not what we thought but the ruins of a moisture farm. The front of the hut, burned. Stuff still tossed about. And, a grave yard of the few who must have lived there.

We stay. And later go. Of course we stop at Kentt's as I wanted to change to something more me. Once we get to the Nuna for its fight night, I learned he had a odd way with women... unless this one was weird, I think he and I just hit it off better. Although he must be twice my age. He ends up surprising me and fighting my mystery man.

Dyn tze san'nltah shu hai gȃvȃ coila
((Had no clue who to cheer for.))

He loses to Xovos and both walk off. It was more like training... with one acting as the punching bag. He heads off to medical... unaided and all. Xo... I was unsure how to approach him as he seemed heavily troubled... and another had already beat me to it. So I backed off and talked with Laz a bit... she seemed... heavily medicated.

Nalah loser dyn famizeval nȃor gen
((Too much has damaged those here.))

I worry. Not sure how to help. Laz goes to speak to a friend, and he comes back with a stomach injury... did the work himself. Though me being... me. I seemed to get him to laugh one too many times. We just end up talking more... Xo had left...

Then like that we called it a night.

Posted Sep 7, 20

Yesterday... no. Day after that which I did the last entry. Sorry. I tend to stay away from typing in this after something. More to just reflect on it. I could ramble on... like I am doing now.

But that night I talked with LT, after catching him at Heartsongs. And we talk over some tea in a back booth. After my evening with Doc... I don't know. I feel I just have to be more open. After thinking about it, I seemed to just smile... say everything was fine. Then go on my way. Rereading my previous entries, I really wish I did this sooner. Back when I started this. Recovering from the crash. Sometimes I think I am still recovering. I have moments of feeling like an airhead. Or spacing out. Ask an obvious question, where I just say "oh yea" after it. I don't think the uneasiness has really left. Doc said he wanted to help the other day. I mentioned to him about the bridge in the middle of the desert. But I don't think remembering that day will help me.

Ci tlesu bisi peledyn hai
((I don't want to.))

After the talk with LT... and him maybe understanding more... I hope... he leaves. Leaving me alone again. He has his work and I... guess I mostly have just the patrols and sim time. I returned to listening to some music on my player and after awhile, was approached by an odd character. He reminded me of someone who enjoyed playing a role in the theater. Normal talk... then loud. Full of feeling. Said he was visiting Vanta again. Had a purple droid covered in stickers and doodles. Later found he used to be a captain in the Alliance... I... am glad I did not tell him I flew a TIE.

Our time was interrupted by a zabrak. Black clothes. Dark goggles. He had a box and told me it was a package for me. It was... my first time getting anything like that. A necklace with a tooth on it. And a note saying it was from my mystery man.

The next hour... or 3. They were like a holo drama.

Hearing music. And singing.

Both sadness and with hesitance.

A voice of someone who did not sing often.

Rough but strong.

I knew who.

After leaving my table to get a better look, I saw him. Singing with feeling. I waited, unable to spoil it for him. Unable to just leave. But I wanted to listen.

Once done, put his helmet on and left. I clapped. Said I loved it. He must have been shocked and embarrassed. ...Sorry.

Then he said it was for me.

The song.

A necklace and then song. Why must you make me feel what I do?

The rest of the night, I comforted him on the porch of Heartsongs. We just talked. He might take me somewhere in the future. Seems like a dream.

Ci ajretndasabo coila I'shar asaen
((I worry for his other.))

Ci tlesu bisi peledyn hai nerat dati ta chu
((I don't want to steal him from you.))

Shar au hisfar du shureen akjeu ceat hai tol.
((It's hard when we both seem to care.))

Posted Sep 7, 20

Like always... I really don't know where to start. Mix of every emotion maybe. Just here sitting at the Bestine Navy office waiting on some training. What else to do but type this?

Too many people are nice on Tatooine... I don't want to leave. But duty demands that. The Emperor of all that we could have ever expected to see in person, demands that. Most likely. To go where we are most needed. Where? I have no clue.

Ci dyn hai otn'loal dati hai biren'ul
((I have to teach him to fly.))

Shar dyn hai fala shuree res medt
((He has to tell me the stories.))

Why does it feel like all goes well and then work comes to stab me in the back like this? It was going to happen eventually I guess...
Posted Sep 12, 20

The rain sucks. It floods and tries to get into everywhere unless you have a flightsuit on. It soaks my boots and is cold. Dathomir sucks. Nothing is here. We had to get shots before doing anything. Had Troopers there... with weapons drawn in case we ran. Where to run? Like I said.. nothing is here. They don't even have enough beds at the outpost for everyone.

Ci mirsi dathonir
((I hate Dathomir.))

I miss Vanta. I miss those there. I miss playing music at Heartsongs. I was told we can leave the outpost as long as it was military related... or if there was a good reason. Leaving for a long hyperspace journey to take part in a ID check might not be an ideal plan. If anything, playing music in the cantina here at the outpost might be the better of ideas. It is practically the biggest of any of the places here.

Too much had happened before we left for this hell hole. One tried to resign and leave Terror. Finn is against it. One I love... or do I? He almost died. But from that, he and his mate. I was accepted as a close friend. They told me of happy plans from them. It's nice.

Time to see how long I can sleep before someone else needs it.

Posted Sep 19, 20

Staring at me with hunger.

A animal.

Do I run? Do I fight?

I fight.

He overpowers me.

We both hurt.

But I am happy. And, so is he.

Ci meni pu.

Ci pilar I'shuree tay.

I can't believe how he makes me feel. Why has live waited until now? A test? I am on Tatooine once again... on leave. I bought pillows for the bed. Brought the flowers Yune gave me from my recovery over too that I have been keeping alive in a vase. Was able to check his... our place out when the Imperial meeting occurred. All the top brass talking. Us underlings in the cantina... although not much were there.

This last mission was... interesting. In place of training we had that. And I of all people was put in charge of B Flight. It is expected though... as I am backup Flight Leader to Yune. Able to support her. The mission went well. Was weird not following and having others pace me instead of them. I usually don't talk about flying much.

Buying things also allowed me to check out some clothing... so got a new dress. He's never seen me in any of them.
Posted Sep 29, 20

It's a long moment of being away from him. Maybe I feel restless? Been at it with battles and just staying busy. Unsure why, but my fighting has... lessened. I don't know if it is my targeting but I know it has happened before while I was stationed on Tatooine. I am not happy. Typing this after I was picked up for having a engine failure mid-battle... like I said... am not happy at all.

Posted Oct 11, 20


What a way to return to home! Home has changed... and I consider a small house shared with my I'shuree tay, my home that I will always love to return to. It is his place to work at times... but everywhere else it is warm and a huge improvement to living in the barracks that I have grown used to. I came home for a short leave and found him hard at work at a console. And then... he knelt down on one knee and asked that special question.

Ci falu vi

Today... he was busy with something. I told him I will see him soon and left for work back on Dathomir. How I despise there. Hopefully our time there is not long. I am tired of the weather there... I feel sluggish when it rains.

Good night


Posted Oct 15, 20


Some time off. I really don't have much to write anyways about work. I went over and visited Mos Vanta. Got to brighten some people's days and meet some new faces. It seems... more quiet there. I don't think it's always been like this? I guess too Lazana has started to wear her armor more. I don't blame her with having to play leader and more.

I need to send a message to a friend I guess for her... someone I hold dear has gone missing and I can't figure out head or tails with why they did so. Maybe it had happened earlier if they had not answered my messages from before? Though I don't think he was one for responding to those.

Posted Oct 21, 20


Friend found... then was stubborn and left again... no idea where... Laz is worried. Tons of tension in Vanta. It needs to go away.


In good news... people have noticed. I guess I'm pregnant. Confirming later today with a official appointment so I have enough for medical. But, if so... crap... might not fly for awhile. Today though I offered to help with Cervyn's search... but... being unable to go on the ground with the potential I might be... no risk.

Instead I was aboard a VT-49... ISS Valiant. Its a good ship. Crew is nice. Most seem to be people with few words save for under comms while in the turret. It's different. At least I still feel like I am helping.

I planned to let the rest of Terror know... but was unable to due to difference in briefing times. Zale also had issues with his ship... which we picked him up. I was at least able to let him know. Maybe he might spread the news... or not. I really have no idea.

Well, we'll see how this appointment goes...



Posted Oct 30, 20


Omg. Definitely in a dream here. My appointment was yesterday with Dr. Kelrune. He confirmed I was 3 weeks pregnant. Jor has been too busy with work. I can't just tell him this over a comm message. Knowing him, he knows. But I have to tell him in person. Can I still think this is a wtf am I doing moment? First time... yes. Everyone has to start somewhere. But have been always a pilot this whole time! All I can think of is holonet stuff. House is too small for a crib! Do I need to move the couch? That can make it roomy. It would be right next to the counter where we eat over at the kitchen. Just can't close the bedroom blinds. Holy frell this is really happening.

I guess this can be a log of all the stuff for that too? He said my need for food will all be over the place. I mean... I just had a salad just now. With meat. But that's normal for me right? But I was asked what if I had twins? That doubles everything! But then... triplets? I can't imagine quadruplets. I can't be one of those nunaball moms you see with an army of kids. I need my crew's rest. That just will involve buying more food. Diapers. What about me eating? When will that happen? Jor will have to work more. Or less? But will that affect pay? But when will I fly again?

Was told to do my best to stay away from combat for up to 6 months... then avoid entirely. But I know I won't be able to touch a TIE given my position. Frell. If I do fly again, will my suit even fit? Uniform?

Too much to think. Will have to maybe make a list. Orders.

I should at least still be able to serve on the Valiant.

Crap I'm tired from thinking.



Posted Oct 31, 20


Put in my leave at 4 weeks yes... its only been 4... this is going to be a long time of no TIE flying. No... forget that. There is still the sims. Maybe I can work something out with Sr Lt Lear on increasing training times. I mean. I will be there more often now as I figure out what to do. I really don't want to apply for a fleet command. I've seen the bridge crews of an ISD before. They all look like they have sticks up their behinds. Kabno, hopefully this is never read haha. Can't see myself there... and crewing, well... I guess I can do those but I was reminded of all the hazards. Its hard to risk. Not sure...

The easy thing is just becoming a shuttle pilot. Or something with no combat. Its a big step down. And I might have to zip my mouth up for a bit but... its the few things I can think of for flying.

Jor had a string of surprises for me... woke me up... and can't say I was too ready for half of them haha. First was... a transfer offer. I might have to take my time on that... I am still unsure as alot who are there are. Odd. And it will only happen after I deliver. His other was he was possibly (or is?) getting a promotion! Woo! Really happy for him... with that he might get time off and wants me to meet his family on Iridonia. It will be an adventure when that happens. I've been wanting to go for a long time there. Even after Xo wished to take me there...

His last was well... he got a bigger house. It has a balcony! And what looks like a pool inside. Not sure if it really is though. I mean... it could be. Even has a emergency shelter underneath. Not sure if I am thankful or to be worried about that feature... but it is near a base. So I guess I have to expect that. I'll miss the other place when we move to this one. I can only think of the amount of cleaning involved... might need to get a droid sometime.

As for me? I am doing fine. Eating whatever. Trying new (nonalcoholic) drinks. It's weird not worrying about flying. I've told Terror. Jorien. Lazana and friends at Hearsongs. People actually say I look like I am glowing. Maybe it's the way I hold myself now? That people look at me and say "Oh yea, she must be a mother". I really am not sure. I am rocking that favorite dress of mine though. The more reveling one. Maybe its the look that I sport now that does not scream Imperial.

I'm not sure.



Posted Nov 9, 20


Nothing... too crazy going on. Just here. Staying busy. Doing the simulator training stuff. I have however been on the ISS Valiant more. It's weird seeing Terror flying while you are in something else. I don't have words for it.

I am at week 6... I guess what the holonet is saying I should feel... bloated around then. I kinda do now. Plus more. I guess I have all the symptoms so... yay? Nothing too crazy yet. I can still wear my dress uniform... my flightsuit... although the past few days has been feeling like it is starting to get tighter. The captain of the Valiant gave me a jumpsuit for shipboard use... feels like something I can sleep it. Pretty stretchy in the right places. Makes me happy I like dresses.

I was going to type about something else but I forgot.

Anyways... yea. Just trying to be useful where I can.


Now I remember! So... plans after pregnancy. I don't know yet. I want to go back to flying with Terror Squadron. Will I be able to? How will Jor and I handle that? Plus the child? We can't just get someone to look after her or him can we? I think I remember something having to be a mother for what... 9 months after? Like breastfeeding and all. So... how will that work? Unless I go into a reservist status?

I mean... people have asked me what my plans are. One was I can get a fleet position. You know, like on some ISD going "yes sir", "right away sir", pressing buttons and doing stuff. ...I can't do that. I don't want to. Being in a cockpit, flying around... is completely different from standing or sitting in what can me a floating city.

Another is shuttle work. Yes... I guess it is a biiiiggg drop from being a TIE pilot. Its where the washouts go. But to everyone's happiness, it is one of the safer ones. I can still fly. On my own. If I get attacked, I won't die. Unless worst case scenarios. And really now. What really would happen if you place a good TIE pilot at the controls for something people who fail the Starfigher Corp are put in? I would laugh... and have a mad frelling time... if I can pull off some of my moves in a shuttle. Without passengers of course.

Another idea... this by the ISS Valiant Captain... was to be a teacher at the academy. So I'd turn into a Honson. I think it has been months since I have seen him... he was a good guy in little I seen of him. But yea, how will that work? A Zabrak in what I would assume to be human dominated. But worst off was I never went to the real thing. It was a smaller on aboard a ISD. Train and be included in their swarm tactics. Live long and you get a good posting. In my case, Terror. But still. A classroom. Dealing with stuck-up teens and older who might think they are better than me? On top of being a mother? Wouldn't that get people to think things? Like... what if I was not good enough. A washout. Zabs can't handle that work. Only good for dirty work. Maybe I am thinking too much on that idea.

I might stay away from the classroom life. Jor wants me to do what I want. I can't be selfish. But I can't be stuck off in some corner of the universe and kill my chance to fly TIEs again.

Now that all that is over with...



Posted Sun at 05:11 am